Guest Blog: Tandy from

Sophie and I have known each other for seven years now. A trip in the way back machine places us as trainers and regional manager for Equinox Fitness in sunny SoCal. Long before babies and husbands and our entrepreneurial spirits fully blossomed. In the time we have known each other we have run strangely parallel paths: each having two young boys under the age of 8, incredibly supportive and involved husbands and a clear passion/drive for sharing how to get healthy from the inside out.


Sophie asked me to guest blog and share my story and what I do and why.  I launched a subscription based lifestyle website February 2013. I had gone from full time working momma (teaching, training, Regional Pilates Manager at Equinox SoCal), to part-time working momma (training via Skype and traveling to teach workshops) to full time stay-at-home-momma, to I-want-to work-and-have-more-to-give-to-the-world-but-don't-want-to-be-away-from-my-boys very much. So, my husband and I created My subscription based website where I post a fresh 30 minute pilates based workout every three days that is stashed in your account to go back to for the lifetime of your subscription, over 300 dairy and gluten free recipes, the PYM Food Reset and access to me as your actual coach and trainer to go to for modifications, adjustments, motivation and support. Pimp Your Mat solved our family’s needs and the needs of every other busy person who is trying to stay or get balanced and fit in a tech savy, time efficient, budget honoring, intelligent fitness way. You have direct access to me via my Facebook Fan Page @PimpYourMat or email. I shoot 30-minute workouts from home (or if I'm traveling...on the road), I edit and upload to the site myself.

Whew. That's a lot. Now, other than it just making sense, being creative and still wanting to be able to pick-up, drop-off and make snacks for my kids why did we create PYM?

Because people think fitness and wellness is difficult and time consuming. Because people think getting healthy is hard, because I’ve spent 15 years in the fitness industry, many of those years with a 'dirty little secret' of being physically fit and lean but internally quite a health mess.

From the age of 18 I had thyroid nodules that kept multiplying. I had chronic fatigue, anxiety, panic attacks, chronic sinus infections, acne, mysterious belly bloating, gas, pain and lets just say it, chronic diarrhea.

I went to doctors and I went to therapists. I went to every alternative practitioner I could find or afford and they all basically told me I was 'stressed'. Um. Okaaaaaay. Seriously? Yes, I was a living, working person in the world but I loved the things I did and at my ‘gut’ level knew that was not the culprit. I didn't accept that answer ever. I didn't even accept it when they handed me antidepressants. I was busy but internally happy and thought, this is crap. I don’t feel well but not because my ‘head’ is wrong because something in my belly/system is causing the veil I felt like I was wearing on my vibrancy.

I was convinced it was food and self-care related and embarked on any and all variations of food, wellness regimes I could. God help my husband who stood by me at each variation and step. It was not easy on me but no easier on him as I sifted through regime after regime.

I had periods of time I was healthier in the inside, but I was never 'well'. I always required more down/recovery time then the people I was surrounded by and some symptoms just never went away. (Panic attacks, anxiety, acne and diarrhea was still the big kicker) I just 'managed' them, didn't address them and quit discussing or thinking about my internal health. I figured if I looked fit, that was enough. Most people didn’t even have that.

Fast forward to having my second son. The nodules on my thyroid had multiplied to total 9. One was actually bigger than my thyroid itself and my latest thyroid panel showed my TSH at less then  .0001. Let's just say that's really not what you want. Your endocrine system kind of regulates everything and if your thyroid 'burns out' of hormone your entire system can shut down. I had started having symptomatic 'stuff' that includes mild tremors, more frequent panic attacks, extreme fatigue and bouts of mild depression. I was having what they call small thyroid ‘storms’. I was scared for myself and I was even more scared for my kids. If I couldn't figure out what was going on with me how was I going to protect, teach and raise my children to be healthy and fit?

So, I put my momma warrior on and thought if this were happening to my kid what would I do? I needed to do that for myself.

I had my thyroid removed. For me, it was the right choice. At the rate it was going it wasn’t going to ‘last’ my lifetime anyhow and we were basically short-cutting the step of letting it burn out. I embarked on a lifetime of chemical meds to replace my little butterfly organ and marched towards writing my own food reset.  I knew my 'stuff' was food related. I have always believed you are what you eat and that your gut instincts are usually right. I believed, as I still do, that food is fuel and beautifully nourishing and absolutely healing. I had always eaten 'healthy' but the truth was it wasn’t working for me. I devoured food sensitivity, intolerance, leaky gut, celiac and thyroid dysfunction articles and books. I relentlessly searched symptoms in effort to put connecting pieces together and chatted with my endocrinologist about my suspicions. I took blood tests, skin tests and elimination diets and cleanses. In the mix of it all, I cracked my own code and saw very clearly how others could figure out the ‘perfect’ fit to balance their own systems.


My discoveries were that certain things absolutely didn’t work for me not matter how many articles said they were ‘packed with nutrients’ and ‘good’ or ‘best’ for your health.

My first step was to remove gluten. Although I had been tested for it and all tests always came back negative, I removed it from my diet and immediately (within 4 days) had a solid bowel movement. Gross, I know but bowel movements truly are the sign of your internal health. Wish is knew THAT fact much earlier in life. And I thought ‘AHA!’ This is it! I ditch gluten and the world is my Oyster! Not Quite.


I eliminated gluten and continued to eat things that were supposedly healing and healthy but things just didn't totally 'fix' and then went through a period of time where things got worse. Back to the drawing board. More reading, more experimenting. I knew Gluten was out but was becoming suspicious of nuts, nightshades and a myriad of other foods and ingredients. I kept thinking perhaps EVERYTHING was cross-contaminated with gluten, but no, I was actually not responding to many other things just as I had suspected, nuts, seeds, nightshades, any grain fed animal, ‘natural flavorings’ and ‘artificial flavors’, legumes and all grains plus any dairy containing casin. I went in a thoughtful and methodical way to research everything that was a possible gut irritant and took them all out. I kept in foods that I had researched to be healing and non-irritating to the digestive tract and easy to absorb nutritionally. I also researched how to get the most nutrients out of your foods, cooked or raw, and created a balanced map that had me feeling better than I EVER thought possible.

The research I did ended up becoming the PYM Food Reset. Within 21 days I had identified more foods that were triggers for my sensitive belly then in my entire lifetime! I felt empowered, vibrant, rested and above all armed with a road map for myself. It was absolutely about me, my system and what it responded to. Not what anyone else said it should be. Custom built by my own belly for wellness and fitness. I felt like a super hero when I eat the foods that I know work for me. Still do!

Pimp Your is not just about pilates. PYM is about getting to your most vibrant and balanced self and working with your own needs and responses. Learning what works and doesn’t work for your body regardless of what any doctor, therapist, specialist, nutritionist or dietician says. PYM is about taking things at your own pace with a clear path to consistent health. PYM is about balance and real, busy lives and it’s about listening to your gut and getting connected to your own self. How do you approach your days, your weeks and years and how many of those do you enjoy and experience to the fullest, undistracted and unencumbered by the ailments, sounds and ‘funky bits’ of your body

I believe each body requires a little something different in order to thrive. I believe and know you can 'crack your own code' with the PYM Food Reset in a short and simple amount of time minus a ton of pricey testing (which I've done and you should do if you think you have genuine health issues triggered by food, but those don't always give you functional answers or real life help. ALL of my testing came back negative. I never did and still do not have any food allergies. I have however been diagnosed by my General Practitioner and Endocrinologist with Celiac based on my reactions to gluten).

Since doing my own food reset I know what sets my system off. I'm not perfect and I still trip up, but I am healthier than I've ever been, I'm no longer crazy fatigued or have to take a nap every afternoon with my boys (ok, sometimes I still so cause they are wonderfully snuggly and only small for so long). I no longer have panic attacks and I do not present the same extreme level of anxiety I used to. I feel safe in my body and generally happy, capable and vibrant in the world and above all capable of caring, teaching and raising my children to listen to their systems to create the highest health for themselves.

Our wellness and fitness is not just about our vanity. It's about our longevity and quality of life. PYM is my way of being there for those who don’t yet have a calm, balanced, healthy experience in their body. PYM is what I wished was around for me when I was going through my experience. I believe fitness and wellness should be about being of service and usefulness to the world we live in and the people we care about.


There are so many things in life to experience and I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss out on it because I was eating things the general world told me were healthy but simply not a fit for my personal system.

Pimp Your Mat is about marching to your own drummer, no excuses, 30 minutes a day of pilates based workouts on the mat, 2-6 days a week, gorgeous, simple, quick whole foods and increasing the fun you have in life because you’re body is in it’s sweetest balance of strength and flexibility. PYM is about hormone balance to allow your body to loose weight, gain muscle, create a healthy blood pressure and cholesterol levels without medications.

We all know we 'should' address our health and fitness but what we don't always know is our why or how.

My 'Why's' are named Milo, Sam and Mateo. My children and husband are more gorgeous and powerful teachers than I ever could have imagined and I want to be the most I can be, for them.

The 'How' is getting on the mat with pilates based workouts that balance your body with equal length and equal strength without over-taxing or ‘burning’ out your system. Balance brings your optimal body and results. Strength and length. Activity and Rest. Food and Hydration. Pimp Your Mat teaches and guides you through all those steps in a fun, simple, calm manner. PYM is $32 a month to have me as your pocket trainer and coach via any Wi-Fi connection to calmly and consistently balance your body, teach you how to listen and connect with your own system without it getting 'sleepy' or lame. Plus, PYM has a thriving community of ambassadors and subscribers world wide that all support and motivate each other along their wellness journey via the Pimp Your Mat Fan Page on Facebook.



Pimp Your Mat is a virtual, boutique online studio. I know my subscribers by name, their stories, their wins and fails. I’m in it with them. Everyday. I want to be an advocate for all those who feel lost along their fitness way and for others to know they don’t have to be at the mercy of their bodies. You can be fit and well without beating up your body.


Whether your interested in the workouts, the food, the reset or me, it’s all there at when you want it.

If you're interested in getting on the mat with me, I offer Philosophie’s fans and followers a 30 day gift code you can activate anytime you’d like to test drive the site. Just reach out to me at or the Facebook Fan Page PimpYourMat

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Philosophie Babe Recipe: Rainbow Chia Pudding Jar

Photo provided by Carolyn's Pantry

There is absolutely nothing better than to look at your meal and see a rainbow. I LOVE to eat all the colors! So, clearly, I’m a huge fan of this Rainbow Chia Pudding Jar created by Philosophie Babe, Carolyn from Carolyn’s Pantry.

This is such a fun way to celebrate fruits and superfoods! All the flavors effortlessly combine to create a delicious snack. This perfect little pick-me-up is loaded with Berry Bliss Superfood + Protein Blend, Berry Bee Honey, vanilla yogurt, turmeric and topped with bee pollen. Did you know turmeric is a star ingredient for supporting weight loss and fighting blemishes? Amazing, right?!

My boys love to get in on the action whenever I’m in the kitchen, so introducing them to this recipe was such a treat. It’s so fun to explore with colors for your food palette. Plus, this is packed with Berry Bliss which provides an extra boost for your immune system. Much needed during this season!

Gather This:

1/4 cup chia seeds

1 cup almond milk

2-3 tablespoons plant-based yogurt

1 teaspoon Berry Bee Honey

1/4 cup fresh or frozen raspberries

1 tablespoon Berry Bliss Superfood + Protein Blend

1/4 cup fresh or frozen raspberries

1/4 cup frozen blueberries

1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric

A dash of cardamom

TOPPINGS [Optional]:

Your favorite granola


Bee Pollen (highly recommend!)

Do This:

The trick to making this layered Rainbow Chia Pudding Jar is to create a large base of chia pudding, then create your layers from there. Make a base of vanilla chia pudding by combining the chia seeds, almond milk, Berry Bee Honey and plant-based yogurt in a large bowl. Stir occasionally for about 3-5 minutes while the chia seeds expand. Tip: Don't let the chia seeds clump up!

To make the layers, evenly separate out your vanilla chia pudding into 3 bowls for raspberry, blueberry, and turmeric layers. To make the raspberry layer, mash the 1/4 cup of fresh or thawed frozen raspberries and add them along with the Berry Bliss to the vanilla chia pudding. Stir to combine and watch the mixture take on a gorgeous pink color.

To make the blueberry layer, just take 1/4 cup of thawed frozen blueberries and mash gently before combining with the vanilla chia pudding. Stir to combine and allow the color to seep through. Make sure to put the juices in the mixture as they give everything the best color.

To make the turmeric layer, just add 1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric and a dash of cardamom to your last vanilla chia pudding bowl. Feel free to add more honey if you like a sweeter taste against the flavor of the turmeric.

Grab a mason jar or better, Philosophie Smoothie Jar and layer the colored chia puddings one by one. Top with blueberries, bee pollen, and your favorite granola and ENJOY!

It MAKES my day when you share your magical creations featuring #PhilosophieSuperfoods with us on Instagram. Share away + let us know if you have any magical recipes you'd like us to feature on our blog!

Confessions of a Binge Eater

I try my best to practice mindfulness everyday and in all areas of my life. As a mama, friend, wife, yoga teacher, and health+wellness coach I do my best to promote both inner and outer awareness. I’ll be the first to admit how hard it is to maintain this mentality during the holiday season. The chaos can engulf you forcing you to forget to maintain the most important aspect your life, self-love.

The first to be thrown off course? Food intentions. Our Philosophie Goddess, Marissa Cohen, shares a personal and very real experience on losing a grip of one’s relationship with food and the journey it takes to gain it back.

There’s so much magic in the holiday season, but don’t let yourself get caught up in the chaos. Remember, your relationship with SELF is the most important relationship in this life.

This past week I was listening to Adi and Sophie’s new podcast, which is all about relationships. As I was walking through the chill of the winter air in Boston, I began to reflect on my own relationships. What comes to mind this time of year is my relationship to food, and to myself. Amidst all the holiday parties, finals and other events, I find myself breaking my usual food routine and engulfing a lot more treats. From holiday cook swaps to work parties to family gatherings, there is no shortage of sweets.

For people like me who have struggled with eating disorders, the holidays can bring up anxiety. In the past, I struggled with binge eating. My binge eating started when I was in elementary school and would return home after school to an empty house and a full fridge. I would restrict myself during the day on whichever diet I was dabbling in, only to raid my pantries at 3 p.m.. This continued in different cycles during high school and even in recent years. It became an emotional pattern. I ate to avoid my feelings and I ate out of rebellion to the stringent diet rules I had impressed upon myself. Eventually, I couldn’t even understand why I was binging. The binges were followed by self-loathing, further restriction, attempts to purge, and most of all, sadness. Through therapy, consulting sessions with Sophie, and dedication to inner self work, I have been able to manage my patterns. But the holiday season is triggering. The reality is, most people are overindulging during the holidays. The majority of individuals are eating more than one or two cookies in a sitting. For a former binge eater like myself, there can be a thin line from enjoying yourself and losing control.

Binge eating is defined by a pattern of compulsively overeating. What resonates with me is the fact that it is compulsive. I don’t think there is any amount that can quantify a binge. Likewise, I don’t think people just binge on traditionally “unhealthy" foods. There were many nights that I found myself eating copious amounts of nut butters, healthier versions of treats and entire portions of meals designed to feed four. Instead, I define a binge as the uncontrollable feeling that accompanies overeating. When you binge, it feels like an out of body experience. As if your body goes on autopilot -- you have tunnel vision and all rationality vanishes. My heart would beat faster; my skin would feel hot. I was overtaken with anxiety as I ate and finished shattered in shame. I couldn’t understand what I had done or why I had done it.

As I said, it has taken a lot of work to overcome my binge eating patterns, but the first step was regaining control by practicing mindful eating. It is about slowing down. Taking 10 deep breaths between the time that you open the fridge and opening your mouth. Talking yourself through the feelings before you even begin, instead of beating yourself up once it is done. It is all about learning to eat with intention by learning to let go feelings of guilt and embrace feelings of love. Now, I can eat five cookies from a place of joy if I genuinely and mindfully choose to do so. But, if I don’t connect to myself and let the feelings of guilt and punishment overcome me, it is a completely different experience. It is about learning to make the shift from guilt to gratitude.


There is no perfect method when it comes to eating. Recovering from disordered eating patterns is a process. The first step is learning to become present and aware of your choices. It is not about avoiding certain foods to stop yourself from binging. It is about learning to be able to freely eat whatever you choose from a place of consciousness and intention. It is about knowing that no matter how dark it feels, you are not controlled by your mind and no matter how ingrained your habits are, it is always possible to make a change. This is about loving yourself enough to know that you are worth treating yourself with so, so much love.


Mindful Eating Exercise

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. In your body, feel what it feels like to feel happy and content. Create that feeling by bringing attention to each part of your physical being (your hands, your chest, your belly) and allowing your mind to become heavy without thought. Focus on cultivating the experience by saying to yourself “I inhale self-love, and I exhale self-doubt.”

Want to share ways how you practice mindful eating? Connect with me on Facebook. Share your own stories and tips using #PhilosophieLove or #MyPhilosophie.

Cacao Magic Smoothie Bowl Recipe

Tis the season of sweet, sweet indulgence. Instead of sugar cookies and gingerbread, try this Cacao Magic Smoothie Bowl for a nutrient-packed, guilt-free superfood dessert! Our Cacao Magic Superfood + Protein Blend adds a decadent, chocolatey flavor and naturally caffeinated punch then combine it with Vital Proteins Collagen for gut health AND extra hair, skin and nail enhancement (perfect for the holidays).

This cacao smoothie also contains a touch of He Shou Wu from Root and Bones, which is pure MAGIC because of its hormone balancing, organ tonifying, and other cleansing properties.

Top with berries, chocolate chips and Cacao Bee Honey for added sweetness and you have a perfect after-dinner treat!


Gather This:

1 Frozen Banana

1 Tsp Cacao Magic Powder

1 tbsp Cacao Coconut Butter

1 Scoop of Vital Proteins Collagen

1 tbsp Jem Organics Chocolate Hazelnut Butter (completely organic)

1 tsp Root and Bones He Shou Wu


Handful of Golden Berries

2 tbsp Goji Berries

¼ cup shredded coconut

¼ cup Lilly’s Chocolate Chips (ZERO calorie, stevia sweetened)


Do This:

Add smoothie ingredients into high-power blender and blend until smooth. Load with toppings to your heart’s content and serve in a pretty bowl!

Share your own Cacao Magic Smoothie Bowl creations on Instagram! Use #PhilosophieSuperfoods or #MyPhilosophie.

She is Not You

As the season slowly changes to winter, we begin a time of reflection on the year we leave behind. The happy and sad. We think about all we accomplished and all the things we didn’t. We make goals and resolutions with new ambition. Our Philosophie Goddess, Marissa Cohen, took time to share an important message to remember as we turn our attention to the year ahead and the person we wish to manifest in us.

Thank you, Marissa. More than ever, we need to remember to truly love yourself.


When I was a freshman in high school, I heard two popular upperclassmen girls talking about their latest discover: The Master Cleanse. I walked into the bathroom and pinched my tummy and then went home on a mission to survive off of cayenne pepper, lemon juice and a touch of maple syrup for the next week.

Soon, it wasn't just the girls I knew in my life that I compared to my diet. Social media gave me the ability to see what everyone from a fit model in LA to a food blogger in Australia was eating in a day. I became obsessed with watching "what I eat in a day" YouTube videos and was infatuated with discovering exactly, and I mean exactly, what others consumed. I wanted to know how much of something they ate, how often, at what time, whether they ate the same thing every day or if it constantly changing. Once I started following specific dietitians and health influencers' pages I began to see their ways as the "right" way. Of course, this was extremely confusing when everyone's opinions conflicted. Vegan or paleo? To juice or to chew? Food became divided into categories of good and bad, allowed and forbidden, even, safe and scary.

My effort to understand what other people ate was rooted in my desire to be more like them. I figured, if I could follow their diets then I could look like them. As if shaping my plate to reflect theirs would lead my body to mirror theirs. This way of thinking led to me to disregard my own preferences, my own needs and my own sense of independence about food. Although I was eating, I was depriving myself. Every time I craved something that wasn't what "she" was eating, I would deny myself and force myself to have whatever social media said was acceptable. I listened to Instagram over intuition.

But that “girl" on Instagram I was comparing myself, as lovely as "she" may have been, is not me. Whoever you are judging yourself against, she is not you. You will never be her. No matter if you eat like her, or dress like her, or even act like her, you will always be you. And that is beautiful. It is your privilege and your right to be uniquely you.

I'm learning to look at others as inspiration instead of direction. Your favorite Instagrammer’s smoothie recipe might be a good rotation to try, but it does not have to become your one and only breakfast. Drinking her smoothie will not magically give you her stomach.

You will always have your one body -- your legs, your stomach, your hips, your arms and everything in between. You can become your best self, whatever that looks like and whatever that feels like by taking the best care of yourself. But you are not her. She is not you.

How do you show self love? We love the uniquely versions of YOU! This Philosophie community could not exist without each and every one of you. Connect with me on Instagram. Use #PhilosophieLove or #MyPhilosophie.

Green Dream Superfood Popcorn Recipe

Lately all I’ve been craving are bland foods with a touch of flavor. Our superfood powders have been a serious godsend! Sprinkled over any quick meal and you’ve got the perfect snack for a soon-to-be mama suffering serious food aversions.

All you need for this Green Dream Superfood Popcorn is a bag of popped popcorn (organic and unsalted) and a sprinkle of Green Dream Superfood Blend. This superfood powder contains a blend of organic maca, mesquite, hemp powder, chia seeds, vanilla, and protein-packed spirulina.

Gather This:

1 Bag of Organic Popped popcorn

1 tsp Green Dream

1 tbsp Nutritional Yeast


Do this:

Pop popcorn according to directions, sprinkle nutritional yeast, salt and pepper to taste, use your hands to toss and serve in individual bowls.

Did you try this Green Dream Superfood Popcorn for your family? Let me know what you thought on Facebook. Use #PhilosophieSuperfoods or #MyPhilosophie.

11 Weeks Expecting + How My World Turned Upside Down

For 11 weeks, I’ve been hiding my pregnancy. If you follow me on IG, you may remember the story of the boys and I going to the OB-gyn to remove my IUD last April. I asked the kids in the IG video why we were at the doctors and Leo (adorably!) noted, "To have a little lady!”

I then spent April through August allowing my body to regulate. It was so thrown off from 5 years of having the local hormones of Mirena flowing through my body that I would spot irregularly, bleed for days, and didn’t re-regulate my period for some time.

In August, on our trip to Israel, Adi and I read the book, The Shettles Method and focused on what life would look like with three of our own.

The Shettles method was recommended by our best friends, Katie and Duncan, who had their little boy using this system. The basic idea is that boy producing sperm is much faster and dies quicker, while girl producing sperm is slower and lasts longer. Therefore, if you want to have a girl, you have sex several days before ovulation and stop having sex two days before.

I really wanted to “spin” to have a little girl. But to be honest, spending thousands of dollars on a less than 100% plan that meant pumping my body with hormones, blood tests, feeling like a crazy person until we got pregnant and THEN still end up with no guarantee of the gender we wanted didn’t sound like my cup of tea. So we tried this.

From August to September, Adi and I weren’t IN IT yet. We were both afraid and getting far too deep in our heads. Mostly, we have been in a really awesome place the past two years, doing pretty much anything we wanted to do when we wanted to do it. We reached a very cool balance of parenting and having an independent life without kids. We have had an amazing flow with babysitters we trusted and the kids are both in school all day (Leo is 5 in tK and Kai is 7 in 1st grade). We take stay-cations at hotels with friends when we feel like it. We head to Ojai or Joshua Tree for an adventure on a whim. We go to concerts, date nights, late dinners or out for drinks whenever we damn well please. If we are tired on a Saturday morning from staying up late the night before, we simply tell the kids to make themselves breakfast and play in the playroom until we wake up. Kai proceeds to make them both gluten-free waffles with a side of berries and they go upstairs and play with their toys and use their imaginations until we wake.

PRETTY DREAMY, HUH? So why fuck it all up?

My relationship with my mother has gone through years of healing. Mostly on my own and including cutting energetic cords, therapy and resolution within my own heart+soul for our relationship. I prayed to have boys because for so long my relationship with my mom was tumultuous at best, and I feared replicating that relationship with my own daughter.

A baby's body is literally made of her mother's juices. If mama’s brain habitually produces stress hormones and she keeps herself in fear+anxiety based thoughts then that is the chemistry the fetus is growing in.

This is why it is so essential to work out all the psychic confusion as early as possible in the process.

If this work is done before conception, it allows the future parents to attract a more evolved soul to partner up with them than if they have ignored the work.

Get to work on yourself now. Whether it's for you or your calm, peaceful, alert+happy baby! You'll forever be thankful.

Now that I’ve healed this maternal tie, I am ready for the next, most challenging journey of my life: raising a daughter.

There’s a part to me that feels incomplete. I dream of this baby girl. I’ve held her in my arms and I’ve seen her as a teenager. I see her connecting with Kai and Leo. I imagine adventures together as a family of five.

Once Adi and I got it together and realized that we can create anything we want in this life, that we already have, and we will only continue this dream…we were ready. The end of September, maybe with the change of seasons, we were finally aligned.

I lead my first IGNTD women retreat with Caley Alyssa in Vail, CO and during that time I called myself out on not fully showing up to this decision. That out of fear, out of wanting things to stay in easy flow, I was denying myself one of the most rewarding pleasures in all of life: raising a little girl.

I spoke my intentions into reality. I created a dream scenario, moving meditation that entailed waking up in my bedroom to the sound of our baby girl's coo from the basket beside the bed and envisioned her with me every step of the day.

That weekend, I believe the baby implanted. That weekend, I believe I manifested, or womb-ifested this dream into a reality.

It’s amazing what happens when you really and truly step into your life, face your fears, process it ALL and show up 100%.

The following week my body already felt different. The skin around my belly felt softer and it felt almost like a different consistency. It felt weird to lay on my stomach (the way I work on my laptop most days).

One week later I bought a 3 pack of 5-day early pregnancy tests. I took a pregnancy test 5 days out from my first missed period and it was negative. I didn’t let it upset me because I knew it was wrong. The next day, I went to NYC for a quickie work trip to promote our Yoga Girls reality show and continued to feel I was holding onto a secret that only my body and I knew. Before a test could even detect. Before it even showed up in my urine. CRAZY! The evening I flew home from NYC (3 days out from the first day of my missed period) and chugged water in my Uber at midnight, ran upstairs to my bathroom and took the test. The entire house was sleeping, all three boys snoring away.

The second line appeared right away!!!! I had to blink my eyes a few times and felt this incredible surge of energy rush through my body. It was 1am on October 11th, Adi and mine’s anniversary. I woke Adi up and he was super disoriented as I was crying happy tears and told him in the dark. He kissed me, said how happy he was and we lie in the bed for hours restlessly thinking about the rest of our lives with another being in it.

That was 6 weeks ago.

The way they calculate pregnancy is quite odd, since they don’t know the exact day of conception they calculate your due date based on the date of your last period. So, I’m 11 weeks pregnant now, but in fact my body has really only been pregnant for 6 weeks. Not sure if that makes sense.

Our little fetus has been developing beautifully, but making me incredibly sick. About a week after I found out I was pregnant the “morning sickness” hit me. It increased as the days went on. I had to cancel multiple events, incredible dinners, birthday parties, panels, so many amazing and fun things in my world because I wasn’t able to keep my food down or go anywhere without feeling disgusted by smells and needing to lie in the fetal position.

I spent a solid month napping the day away and dreaming of the next nap, since I was physically exhausted and sleeping was the only time I didn't feel extremely ill.

This time was a time of complete surrender.

A time to remember my choices, a time to reflect on my desires, to really connect to this reality that THIS IS HAPPENING. That she will turn my life upside down and that nothing is as important as her, her health and my love for her.

We couldn’t be more excited for this baby girl to join our world.

I know with my whole heart and soul that she was destined for me and I for her.

I know deep within my bones that Adi and I can handle anything thrown our way and that we will continue to be successful and full of joy in our love and life.

Thank you all for following on this journey and for your endless love+support.

I’ll keep updating along the way! Feel free to ask questions, we are all in this together and it truly takes a village. Xx

Have anything to share or questions about my conception with our newest Jaffe member? Connect with me on Twitter. Share your own conception story using #PhilosophieLove.

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