11 Weeks Expecting + How My World Turned Upside Down

For 11 weeks, I’ve been hiding my pregnancy. If you follow me on IG, you may remember the story of the boys and I going to the OB-gyn to remove my IUD last April. I asked the kids in the IG video why we were at the doctors and Leo (adorably!) noted, "To have a little lady!”

I then spent April through August allowing my body to regulate. It was so thrown off from 5 years of having the local hormones of Mirena flowing through my body that I would spot irregularly, bleed for days, and didn’t re-regulate my period for some time.

In August, on our trip to Israel, Adi and I read the book, The Shettles Method and focused on what life would look like with three of our own.

The Shettles method was recommended by our best friends, Katie and Duncan, who had their little boy using this system. The basic idea is that boy producing sperm is much faster and dies quicker, while girl producing sperm is slower and lasts longer. Therefore, if you want to have a girl, you have sex several days before ovulation and stop having sex two days before.

I really wanted to “spin” to have a little girl. But to be honest, spending thousands of dollars on a less than 100% plan that meant pumping my body with hormones, blood tests, feeling like a crazy person until we got pregnant and THEN still end up with no guarantee of the gender we wanted didn’t sound like my cup of tea. So we tried this.

From August to September, Adi and I weren’t IN IT yet. We were both afraid and getting far too deep in our heads. Mostly, we have been in a really awesome place the past two years, doing pretty much anything we wanted to do when we wanted to do it. We reached a very cool balance of parenting and having an independent life without kids. We have had an amazing flow with babysitters we trusted and the kids are both in school all day (Leo is 5 in tK and Kai is 7 in 1st grade). We take stay-cations at hotels with friends when we feel like it. We head to Ojai or Joshua Tree for an adventure on a whim. We go to concerts, date nights, late dinners or out for drinks whenever we damn well please. If we are tired on a Saturday morning from staying up late the night before, we simply tell the kids to make themselves breakfast and play in the playroom until we wake up. Kai proceeds to make them both gluten-free waffles with a side of berries and they go upstairs and play with their toys and use their imaginations until we wake.

PRETTY DREAMY, HUH? So why fuck it all up?

My relationship with my mother has gone through years of healing. Mostly on my own and including cutting energetic cords, therapy and resolution within my own heart+soul for our relationship. I prayed to have boys because for so long my relationship with my mom was tumultuous at best, and I feared replicating that relationship with my own daughter.

A baby's body is literally made of her mother's juices. If mama’s brain habitually produces stress hormones and she keeps herself in fear+anxiety based thoughts then that is the chemistry the fetus is growing in.

This is why it is so essential to work out all the psychic confusion as early as possible in the process.

If this work is done before conception, it allows the future parents to attract a more evolved soul to partner up with them than if they have ignored the work.

Get to work on yourself now. Whether it's for you or your calm, peaceful, alert+happy baby! You'll forever be thankful.

Now that I’ve healed this maternal tie, I am ready for the next, most challenging journey of my life: raising a daughter.

There’s a part to me that feels incomplete. I dream of this baby girl. I’ve held her in my arms and I’ve seen her as a teenager. I see her connecting with Kai and Leo. I imagine adventures together as a family of five.

Once Adi and I got it together and realized that we can create anything we want in this life, that we already have, and we will only continue this dream…we were ready. The end of September, maybe with the change of seasons, we were finally aligned.

I lead my first IGNTD women retreat with Caley Alyssa in Vail, CO and during that time I called myself out on not fully showing up to this decision. That out of fear, out of wanting things to stay in easy flow, I was denying myself one of the most rewarding pleasures in all of life: raising a little girl.

I spoke my intentions into reality. I created a dream scenario, moving meditation that entailed waking up in my bedroom to the sound of our baby girl's coo from the basket beside the bed and envisioned her with me every step of the day.

That weekend, I believe the baby implanted. That weekend, I believe I manifested, or womb-ifested this dream into a reality.

It’s amazing what happens when you really and truly step into your life, face your fears, process it ALL and show up 100%.

The following week my body already felt different. The skin around my belly felt softer and it felt almost like a different consistency. It felt weird to lay on my stomach (the way I work on my laptop most days).

One week later I bought a 3 pack of 5-day early pregnancy tests. I took a pregnancy test 5 days out from my first missed period and it was negative. I didn’t let it upset me because I knew it was wrong. The next day, I went to NYC for a quickie work trip to promote our Yoga Girls reality show and continued to feel I was holding onto a secret that only my body and I knew. Before a test could even detect. Before it even showed up in my urine. CRAZY! The evening I flew home from NYC (3 days out from the first day of my missed period) and chugged water in my Uber at midnight, ran upstairs to my bathroom and took the test. The entire house was sleeping, all three boys snoring away.

The second line appeared right away!!!! I had to blink my eyes a few times and felt this incredible surge of energy rush through my body. It was 1am on October 11th, Adi and mine’s anniversary. I woke Adi up and he was super disoriented as I was crying happy tears and told him in the dark. He kissed me, said how happy he was and we lie in the bed for hours restlessly thinking about the rest of our lives with another being in it.

That was 6 weeks ago.

The way they calculate pregnancy is quite odd, since they don’t know the exact day of conception they calculate your due date based on the date of your last period. So, I’m 11 weeks pregnant now, but in fact my body has really only been pregnant for 6 weeks. Not sure if that makes sense.

Our little fetus has been developing beautifully, but making me incredibly sick. About a week after I found out I was pregnant the “morning sickness” hit me. It increased as the days went on. I had to cancel multiple events, incredible dinners, birthday parties, panels, so many amazing and fun things in my world because I wasn’t able to keep my food down or go anywhere without feeling disgusted by smells and needing to lie in the fetal position.

I spent a solid month napping the day away and dreaming of the next nap, since I was physically exhausted and sleeping was the only time I didn't feel extremely ill.

This time was a time of complete surrender.

A time to remember my choices, a time to reflect on my desires, to really connect to this reality that THIS IS HAPPENING. That she will turn my life upside down and that nothing is as important as her, her health and my love for her.

We couldn’t be more excited for this baby girl to join our world.

I know with my whole heart and soul that she was destined for me and I for her.

I know deep within my bones that Adi and I can handle anything thrown our way and that we will continue to be successful and full of joy in our love and life.

Thank you all for following on this journey and for your endless love+support.

I’ll keep updating along the way! Feel free to ask questions, we are all in this together and it truly takes a village. Xx

Have anything to share or questions about my conception with our newest Jaffe member? Connect with me on Twitter. Share your own conception story using #PhilosophieLove.

Comments (3):

Maria on

I don’t know why, but everything lately the past 2 months has been going in a full circle motion. I dream of my baby grrl all the time. I have 2 boys, 16 months and 2 1/2, and I felt guilty for wanting that baby grrl, wanting to have a relationship I never had with my mom. My mom was extremely abusive both physical and verbal, I have forgiven her and understand that she has gone through her own traumas in her life and she never received healing. She continued plowing through life, building stress and not knowing how to nurture or love really. But she is a different person with my children, she says the person she wished she could have been with us. I have had my cards read and there she is, my baby grrl pops up… my husband and I finally took a leap and we are waiting to see if our baby grrl shows up. Loved reading this post… so happy for u and ur family

Madison on

I follow your story on here and instagram. Thank you for sharing your light !

Dori on

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I truly believe in the connection you have to make before you conceive a child and cutting energetic ties. It’s great that your discussing this important topic.. Congratulations !!

Leave a comment:

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published

Other articles:

Green Dream Apple Toast Recipe

Who’s ready for a super delicious high-vibe toast for this #ToastTuesday? Yes! This slightly sweet, savory snack is the best to enjoy on a crisp fall day when you’re in need of an antioxidant-rich boost in your day.

We created this superfood toast using a delicious dairy-free cheese, crisp organic apples, herbs, and our detoxifying Green Bee Honey. Perfect for the onset of any cold and for adding super greens into your diet!

Best served with a warm superfood latte or post workout snack! So, so good!

Gather This:

slice(s) of your favorite gluten-free bread

Kite Hill cream cheese

1 tbsp Green Bee Honey

1 fresh apple (sliced

fresh rosemary or thyme

Do This:

Toast up your favorite bread. Spread on the cheese and top with apple slices, sprinkle with herbs, and drizzle with Green Bee Honey!

What superfood toast are you making to celebrate this awesome #ToastTuesday? Share yours with me on Instagram using #PhilosophieLove or #PhilosophieSuperfoods!

HOTW: Family Fall Activities

I’m going to take a moment to say how truly thankful I am for my home, my beautiful Philosophie community, my soul sisters who support me, and most of all, my family. It’s weeks like this past one where I decide to take the time and hug my loved ones a little closer and wrap myself up in my families’ love. The best way to escape (just for a little) for some much-needed healing is with some of our favorite fall activities. I partnered with Pure Flix to share some favorite ways to celebrate the fall season with those you love. Take some time for you and your family this season. It’s needed!

With November now in full swing, you’ve stowed away your tees and shorts to make room for those cozy chunky knit sweaters. As the temperatures drop and your family’s schedule ramps into high gear, it’s crucial to find time to bond. There’s something about freshly fallen leaves and crisp nights that create a cozy ambiance perfect for getting closer with the ones you love. Set a goal to knock off at least one activity on this sweater weather bucket list in order to make the most out of this season’s bonding.

Hygge the Home

Hygge (pronounced hoo-gah) is a Scandinavian practice of bringing warmth and coziness into one’s lifestyle. Although the practice is intended on sustaining this coziness throughout the year, fall is the perfect time to begin to bring this Danish influence into your home.

Spend a day to decorate the home with Hygge influences to jumpstart your season of family bonding. Bring warm textures into your living space, like thick blankets or shaggy textured rugs and pillows. Stick to muted or earth tones like light toupes, creams, or blush. Hygge utilizes a combination of these textures and colors to create a cozy and relaxing ambiance. Our home is filled with lights and earth tones to create this warm and welcoming space. Since it also functions as my “office,” a cozy, creative & functional space is absolutely needed.

Hygge adds to the relaxing vibe through dim lighting and inviting scents, making candles a perfect way to bring warmth into the space. Invite your kiddos to pick out candles to include in the home. Let them choose from seasonal scents like apple spice, pumpkin pie, or warm vanilla cookies!

It’s also a great time to light some Palo Santo and clear away any stagnant or negative energy stuck in the space before settling into your new cozy space with the family. Set intentions and affirmations for the space as you make your way around your home.

Embrace the Fall Flavors

You don’t need to spend a fortune to experience fall! Plan a day to visit your local cafe and get hot seasonal drinks. Either find a corner to sit as a family or take your beverages to go, sipping on them as you take a walk at a local park or hiking trail. You can enjoy a hot seasonal latte while your kids can indulge in rich hot chocolate or warm mulled apple cider!

We have a TON of delicious and high-vibe warm drinks that make the perfect companion on a family outing or cozy night in. Some of my favorites are a Cacao Cinnamon Dulce Latte, Chai Latte, or a Mayan Hot Chocolate for the kids (P.S. it can also easily be spiked for adults!).

Get Baking for Movie Night

Plan some quality baking time with your family. Food is a great way to bond with those you love, allowing you to have fun while being creative in the kitchen. Family time doesn’t need to stop in the kitchen. Plan a movie for a cozy night in and bring your desserts with you! Your hygge space is already prepared to be turned into a warm private theater, and there are tons of wholesome family movies to choose from!  

Head into the kitchen with the intention of creating movie night snacks and desserts. Have your children pick out a few of their favorite homemade superfood snacks! For something salty, try making Superfood Popcorn! If you’re looking for something more fall focused that’s a bit fancier, try our Pumpkin Pie Mousse. Some of my other favorite fall recipes include Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Cookies, Protein Pumpkin Muffins, and a good ol’ Fruit + Nut Cacao Honey Platter.

Host a Fall Cookout

Take advantage of the outdoors while the temperature is still warm enough to grill, and invite your friends and family to enjoy it. Host a classic country cookout by serving up your take on BBQ. Grill veggies + fruits, barbeque chicken, hotdogs and burgers with a fun Philosophie superfood touch! Or, make the night one of friendly competition by including a chilli cookoff! Have guests bring their best recipe and serve sides to compliment the main dish.

Go to a local craft store and purchase barrels of hay for guests to sit on while they enjoy their meals and mingle. For the kids, pitch a basic tent and lay a picnic blanket out to make it feel as though they’re roughing it in the great outdoors. For a sweet campfire treat, make banana boats or our fav Vegan S’mores for the best sweater weather desserts!

Give Back

As the holiday season nears, it’s important to focus on gratitude. Bringing positive attitudes and thankfulness into your home will set the stage day in and day out for your family.

Carve out a day to focus on your community and encourage your children to become more involved in giving back. Have them choose the charity they’d like to volunteer with or research other ways to give back to the community.

Volunteer one weekend at a shelter or ask about volunteer opportunities at a local animal rescue. You can even give back by helping neighbors with yard work or contacting your child’s teacher for permission to bring in special treats! No matter how big or small the gesture, the focus is on showing appreciation in our lives.

How will you be celebrating the fall season with your family? Share your fun family activities with me on Twitter using #PhilosophieLove!

Fall Latte Recipe

Philosophie Babe, Marissa Cohen shared with us her favorite Philosophie fall latte recipe she’s been loving lately. I’m OBSESSED with this recipe. It’s so, so good. The superfood-spiked honey, fresh ginger, and cinnamon will also soothe your tummy, fight inflammation, and reduce the risk of heart disease, making it the most healing latte you’ll ever sip! The best form of natural energy with a ton of nutrients and superfood goodness.


Good morning, Philosophie fam! As we continue to ease into fall, I find myself craving a nice, warming drink first thing in the morning. If you haven’t tried the vegan bulletproof coffee, you must. The addition of the coconut butter makes it oh-so-creamy and comforting. If you’re looking for an alternative to your morning coffee that is just as energizing and delicious, give the Cacao Chai Latte recipe a try! I’ve been making it each morning as a ritual to nourish my body and my spirit.

This recipe contains a moderate amount of caffeine from the black tea and the cacao in the Cacao Magic Superfood + Protein Blend. However, Cacao Magic contains 10 grams of plant-based protein to help balance your blood-sugar, meaning this latte will leave you feeling uplifted and not jittery. The addition of our superfood-spiked Green Bee Honey, fresh ginger, and cinnamon also aid digestion, fight inflammation, and reduce the risk of heart disease, making it the most healing latte you’ll ever sip! From our mugs to yours, sip this latte slowly and with gratitude.

Gather This:

1 -2 cups of boiling water

1 cup nut milk or non-dairy beverage

1 bag black chai tea

1 - 2 medjool dates, pitted

1 tsp Green Bee Honey

1 tsp freshly grated ginger

1/2 tsp Cacao Magic Superfood + Protein Blend

1 teaspoon cinnamon

Do This:

Steep tea separately, and then mix all in the blender.

For more recipes and rituals, make sure that you are subscribed to the Philosophie YouTube channel!

Embracing the New Moon in Scorpio

Hello loves! We have an especially powerful New Moon today in the house of Scorpio. After yesterday and the results leaving a country divided, it's especially important to channel the energy of this New Moon and allow her energy to guide us forward. It's a time to stay open, receptive and embrace the shadows. That pull can lead us to some truly powerful magic. 

We have a lot to be proud of here in the US, but a lot still to be done. Whether you feel the call to work internally or externally take in the magic of this New Moon to set new intentions, plans of action and show up to yourself and your home.

The New Moon in Scorpio

The New Moon on the 7th rests in the watery house of Scorpio. This is one of the most magical moons of the year. This is not a New Moon of release, but a New Moon of transformation. Scorpio is the light and dark combined. It’s a unique mix of the highs and lows of our being, which also means it can get pretty intense. When tapping into the full potential of Scorpio, the energy allows you to tap into your whole truth, highest integrity and full emotional strength. It’s so powerful. This is a moon all about connecting with your inner goddess and accessing the full power of your being.

This is a New Moon all about letting the universe know you’re open to receiving its guidance and magic. It’s time to fully acknowledge the strength of your intuition. As you open yourself up to this energy, you may confront a multitude of emotions. Hold yourself steady. Allow these emotions to wash in you and through you. Confronting the emotional spectrum will allow yourself to receive the higher emotional vibrations like love and bliss.

Aligning with the New Moon in Scorpio you can begin to let go of things that no longer serve you and transform them into abundance. The upcoming cycle is a time for gratitude. It’ll be a time to align with your inner power and become in control of your life and your energy.

Light some Palo Santo and repeat the following mantras —

I am fearless and therefore powerful.
I create my own reality.


Read more in my article on The Chalkboard Magazine!

What are your intentions this upcoming moon cycle? Share yours with me on Facebook using #PhilosophieLove.


Squash Almond Butter Toast Recipe

Hi loves! Happy November! Days like today call for comforting + healing high-vibe treats like these delish squash almond butter toasts. It’s been a bit since we celebrated a #ToastTuesday and this is honestly the best fall toast out there.

We used delicata squash, which is an awesome fall veggie that is fiber-rich and helps support healthy bones. It tastes like sweet potato, making it the perfect pair with Cacao Magic and Wild Friends Almond Cashew Super Butter. This a toast that gives you immediate hygge vibes.

Gather This:

Delicata Squash

1 tsp Cacao Magic Superfood + Protein Blend

Canyon Gluten-Free Bread

Wild Friends Almond Cashew Super Butter

A sprinkling of coconut flakes

A sprinkling of bee pollen

A drizzle of Berry Bee Honey

Do This:

Slice squash into ½ inch thick pieces, push out seeds and arrange slices on a baking pan. Spray w/ avocado oil, Cacao Magic, s + p, then bake at 375 for 25 min. While those are roasting, toast bread and spread on almond butter. Sprinkle on coconut flakes, bee pollen, then place on a slice of the squash and finish with a drizzle of Berry Bee Honey. ENJOY!

How are you enjoying this cozy #ToastTuesday? Share your superfood toast creations with me on Instagram using #PhilosophieSuperfoods or #MyPhilosophie.

HOTW: Placenta Encapsulation

I’ve been asked a lot of questions about Placenta Encapsulation and why I do it. So, I wanted to take some time to share about my placenta and how it’s it’s helped me, what the benefits are and all the different ways to consume it.  Placenta Encapsulation is the perfect way to nourish and support yourself postpartum. Using steamed or the raw method for preparation, the placenta is thoroughly cleaned and cut into thin slices and arranged in a dehydrator. Once the placenta strips are completely dry they are ground into a powder and enclosed into capsules.  The final product resembles vitamins that help to fight "Baby Blues" and boost your mood, stabilize your hormones, and increase your energy & support your postpartum recovery.

You can also have it put into a tincture which is ready for consumption three months after birth. If you are having a hospital birth, bring a cooler with ice to the hospital and make sure to notify your nurse staff so they save your placenta after the birth.

The lovely ladies at Kindred Space LA are absolutely perfect if you want this service done for you. They picked up my placenta from the hospital then delivered the capsules + tincture to my home a few days later.

I did this with Kai (my first birth) and Noa. Although there are several factors involved, this has been my best recovery yet. Animals naturally consume their placenta after birth, intuitively knowing the value.

I also owe this to hiring Jenna Furnari as my postpartum Ayurvedic doula and having her help me create a strict 40-day postpartum plan. You can read more about this plan here. This sacred time of post-birth, also known as the “fourth trimester,” is a time to RECOVER. You have been through an INTENSE traumatic experience no matter how “magical” the birth experience was. Your body grew a human (or multiple) over 9 months, and this time right after giving birth is a time to rejuvenate, be loved, nurtured + find your wholeness again.

You want to find any and all ways to be taken care of — think of someone that’s incredibly nurturing in your life (maybe it’s your mom, a friend, an aunt) and ask them to come be there for you. Hire a postpartum doula. Set up a meal train and have friends/family order food delivered to your home. Set up weekly massage + acupuncture.

There are a few different ways to consume it. Drop the tincture into your juice. Take two capsules every morning and two in the afternoon. You want to avoid taking them too close bed because they give you some energy.

The best thing is to be consistent in your 40-day postpartum plan. This is a time for YOU. Care and love yourself in all the ways you can.

Mamas, have you done Placenta Encapsulation? How were your experiences with it? Also, if you have any more questions, please contact me or connect with me on Facebook using #PhilosophieLove!

Join our mailing list


Join the 20,000 other members of the Philosophie Tribe getting our weekly recipes, inspirations, discounts, and more, delivered right to their inbox!