Most-Time Stay at home Mom

"Are you a stay at home mom, or do you work?" is a question commonly asked around the playground. 

I used to struggle answering and fumble around with my words.  If you're also in an undefined role relating to your kids (or anything) this may help you work it out a bit.  
 
"The weekends and most days after 2p I'm with the kids. And one date night. and when I go to the gym/yoga. Unless something comes up with work or I need a shower or "me" time." That's hard to explain to a complete stranger at the park. There's really not a word for what I am. 
 
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Don't get me wrong: I'm AN AWESOME mommy. I love my kids more than anything on the planet and would give my life for them. If you asked me to jump in front of a moving vehicle for them, I wouldn't even hesitate, I would just clarify which color vehicle to throw my body in front of and I'd be off. They are my world. I ache for them when they are not beside me, which makes me adore the time we have together even more. They are my reason for living and I wouldn't be whole without them. 
 
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Lately, I've come into a place where I feel comfortable with my answer and grounded in my unique mommy role.
 
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My response now? "I work a few hours a day for my own company and spend the rest of the time with my kids." And that's the truth. For some reason, I felt like there was something wrong or I wasn't a good mom if I wasn't being a typical stay at home mom. (mommy guilt, anyone?) That the way I'm "supposed" to be a proper mommy; to stay home all day every day with my kids. But it's just not reality and the bottom line is it's not what makes me HAPPY. 
 
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I am a BETTER mommy (wife, friend, sister, daughter, human) when I have ME time. When I get away from my mother role and contribute to the world in a larger way and put my energy into something that inspires me.
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I go to the gym 3-4 days a week and sometimes bring the kids and put them in kids club. Other times it's my start to the day and I just go on my way to work to take a shower byMYSELF, without holding an infant or explaining to a toddler why I'm shaving that and that no, it doesn't hurt. I leave the gym feeling naturally energized and motivated to take my chaotic day on with (hopefully) grace.

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 I take one evening a week for ME. Not with the hubby, just ME. Every Monday evening is Sophie night. Adi takes the kids and handles the bath and bedtime routine and my night usually consists of going to hear my favorite inspirational speaker Marianne Williamson and spending a few minutes before or afterwards at the coffee shop nearby journaling my notes and feelings. It feels GOOD to be ALIVE and a person outside of my mommy hood. Her powerful lessons and words light me up and give me inspiration for the week to come and remind me of what's truly important. As an entrepreneur and solo business owner, wife of an addiction researcher who is constantly "on" and helping his clients, a dedicated friend, sister, neighbor and citizen, I need to be lit up by others so that my flame can continue to shine bright. 
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We have two nannies that work on different days, each of them averaging around 10 hours a week. I trust them incredibly and it's nice to actually know there's another person out there that can handle your children if you can't be there and loves them as if they were their own. My nanny's thank ME for their amazing work. They think of it as a pleasure to be able to be with my kids, which only further proves the saying "it takes a village". We have several backup babysitters who we know from the gym or from friends and from sittercity.com (which I highly recommend!) We keep them on our roster and reach out anytime we need 45 minutes to just run out and grab a drink together to unwind and reconnect WITHOUT children. To have adult, uninterrupted conversations. This is key for our marriage/relationship and we are consequently better parents for those little monkey's because of it. We have a set date night of EVERY SINGLE Saturday night. It forces us to go out even if we have nothing planned (i.e. would rather stay in and watch netflix in pjs eating ice cream) and see a movie or grab a bite. 
 
ImageImageDon't get me wrong: I am with my kids A LOT. And any less wouldn't be ok with me. I spend every single morning (sometimes 5am it begins) with my kids and take Kai to school at 8:30. I'm the one to pick him up almost every day, assuming there's no work/traffic emergency. All weekend long it's me and the boys, galavanting about. Adi works a lot so unfortunately it's usually me alone with those little rabbits. When Adi is with us it's that much more magical. I pick Kai up at 3p most days and on Friday's at noon. I'm home by 2p latest almost every day to let the nanny go so I can spend some quality alone time with Leo before picking up his big brother. Then it's madness and chaos through the afternoon (playdates, park time, library, walks, etc) until the dinnertime, bath time & bed time routine. Most of it is super high quality time because I'm not so distracted by work stuff/social etc because it's out of my system from the few hours spent before.  I used cloth diapers most of the time with the boys. I breastfed. I'm creative with them and challenge them to use their imaginations. I feed them the most beautiful food on the planet and stay updated every moment the kids are away from me. I have the babysitters/nanny's write down every single thing Leo does while I'm at work- feedings/sleeping/etc so I can feel totally tuned in when we reunite. I get frustrated. Sometimes I'm short with them or lose my temper. I make mistakes. However, I love the way we do things and feel incredibly content with the current status. My only hope is I can take maybe one more hour away from work each day and give it to Leo in the upcoming months or maybe take an entire weekday away from working in the next 6 months to spend alone with my small man. It's all a balance and it's been a fun ride figuring out what feels right for me. 
ImageThere are some women out there that are just REALLY GOOD at being a stay at home momma. I tell myself they probably have more patience and are more organized. And that's okay with me! I finally feel at peace with who I am and have settled into this role of "mostly" stay at home mommy, and I'm better for it. No more guilt! (on this topic, anyway!)

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 My point? It's ok to handle things differently than the status quo. I don't consider myself to be any less of a GREAT mom because I don't spend EVERY WAKING MINUTE with my darlings. I don't judge myself for taking time to be passionate about other things in life besides my kids. And if you're a full-time working momma, kudos to you for dedicating so much effort and time to something that will make their lives better in the future. It's not easy leaving them for so many hours every single day. If you ARE a stay-at-home mom, you are a rockstar. The 100% full days I spend with my kids (Friday, Saturday, Sunday and occasionally a day during the week) I am WIPED by the end of the day. Each day is unique and beautiful and I thank God (the universe, fill in the blank) everyday for blessing me with these children and this oh so mysterious life.  

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There are some parents that are just perfectly fit to a certain way of doing things, like it's ingrained in who they are. For one of my best friends, there would be no option of her working for a single hour one day a week. For another close friend, she couldn't fathom spending time with her kids without the nanny there at the same time, just the thought overwhelms her. And all of it is perfect. Just be true to who you are and play around with different possibilities (more/less hours with a sitter/nanny/preschool/daycare/work/hobby) until you find your perfect parenting situation. Remember: parenting can exist on a spectrum, it isn't all or none. Your perfect balance is out there, just be open and flexible, honoring your truth. 

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Comments (5):

WELL in L.A. on

Beautiful. You are a wonderful momma and your boys and hubs know it. Mom or not everyone can walk away with the advice to take a ‘date night’ for themselves. In a busy world it’s all too easy to always be tuned in and paying attention to everyone else’s needs and wants. Finding the quiet, solace and peace with yourself is so so so necessary! xo my love!

Philosophie Mama on

thanks, Kate! You are going to be AN AMAZING momma and I can’t wait to be there for playdates.. both with kids AND by ourselves with our girlfriends and a glass of wine. thank you for reading. And YES: it’s all about balance in EVERYTHING isn’t it?

Philosophie Mama on

you are SO sweet, Alana! I DO get moments of silence because I have created the space to! so important for all of us. thank you for your kindness!

katemcclafferty on

Sweet, lovely, amazing Sophie…this post was really powerful. I’m not even a mother yet but it resonated with me. In a nutshell it’s about finding balance and being honest with yourself about what YOU need to be the very best YOU. I thank you for sharing your story. xx

alanabana2 on

I feel like such a stalker because I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! I’m not even close to becoming a mommy yet, but you definitely give me a lot of insight of what it will be like (even though i know its utterly unfathomable!). Thank you so much for sharing, you and you’re family are so beautiful and such an inspiration. It’s crazy how far a little powder can go! Keep up the great work Sophie, and enjoy those moment of silences when you get them!

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Other articles:

Watermelon Pizza Recipe

On a midsummer night that calls for a light, magical dessert, forego the traditional fruit salad for this bewitchingly beautiful treat. All it takes is a crisp watermelon cut into a lovely moon, topped with superfood-infused yogurt, a handful of berries, and walnuts for some added crunch! On top of being simply swoon-worthy, this luscious pie is also abundant in antioxidants, probiotics, and omega-3s...which means that summer dreams should definitely be made of watermelon pizza.

 

Gather This:

 

Do This:

Mix the yogurt with the Berry Bliss. Spread the supercharged yogurt onto the watermelon slice. Top with berries + nuts, and enjoy!

I would love to see your beautiful watermelon pizzas this summer! Share them with us on Instagram with #MyPhilosophie + #PhilosophieSuperfoods!

Heart of the Week: Klean LA

As a busy mama on the go, having clean prepared meals that come straight to my doorstep and are catered to exactly what my body needs, is nothing short of a miracle!

I have heard so many wonderful things about Klean LA that I couldn’t wait to try it. I’m especially stoked that they’re gluten-free, soy-free, preservative-free, as well as local AND sustainable (they have FANTASTIC eco-friendly packaging). I also feel that it’s important that I teach Kai + Leo to support local, small businesses!


I’m not someone who labels the way I eat, or how my family eats, so the fact that Klean La offers us plenty of paleo AND vegan options is super helpful. I practice intuitive eating, which means that I eat based off of how feel that day. Sometimes, I’m craving an animal protein, while other days I want a heaping plate of quinoa +  fresh veggies!

The convenience factor of Klean LA, along with their delish food, makes keeping my family healthy really easy. I can’t get enough of their roasted veggies and brown rice–and their housemade sauces are to die for! Kai couldn't stop sneaking their yummy quinoa, and Leo was OBSESSED with the roasted chicken.

On busier work days, I definitely don’t always have time to go out and purchase fresh food and then prepare a yummy, nourishing meal for my family that evening. Klean LA though helps me do just that (well, minus the shopping + cooking parts)! But that’s what life's about – finding a system that works for YOU, and this absolutely did the trick for The Jaffe Family!

What are healthy eating hacks do you use for you or your family? Share them with us on Facebook with #MyPhilosophie! 

5 Day Pre-Festival Cleanse

Festival season sparks those magical moments that you’ll be reminiscing about in decades from now – blissing out to artists on your favorite playlist performing only 10 feet in front of you, drinking dreamy cocktails, and spending dawn to well after dusk with your tribe dancing, laughing, and living wild and free.

To ensure that you begin your festival with open, radiant energy (not drained and desperate for a vacation), prepare your mind, body, and soul for your packed weekend of magic with a 5-day pre-festival cleanse.

This holistic, revitalizing cleanse will not only support you in detoxing from the taxing energies in your life, but will also make you feel rejuvenated, refreshed, lighter, and truly ready to celebrate all that’s to come.

To get started, integrate the three following practices into your week for 5 days before your big weekend:

1) Cultivate a morning ritual to promote a peaceful mind.

Create your ideal morning and fresh start by making your own altar space, a special place for you to find stillness, meditate, and dig deep. It helps to place your journal, crystals, essential oils, intention cards, and candles on a beautiful tray that you can bring to your favorite rug or sofa – or even take outside so that you can open your morning amongst soft sunlight and calming birdsongs.

In 5-10 minutes, light your candles, apply your oils, picks up your crystals, and then connect to your breath and meditate, allowing thoughts to come in without judgement and leave freely. Even if your neighbor’s dog barking starts barking, the mailman stops by, or a firetruck with a blaring siren passes your street, don’t get frustrated. While we don’t live on top of the Andes Mountains, we do live in a place that’s active, dynamic, and also beautiful – this is your home. Simply acknowledge the sounds and then get right back into it.

Once you’ve completed your meditation, pick one of your intention cards (like this Own Your Awesome Deck) – a card that feels good to you and feels right in that moment. Soak in the wisdom of the card and then take note of the love, joy, and inner tranquility you’ve just cultivated.

While this practice is a must in the 5 days leading up to your festival, it’s also a beautiful ritual to integrate into your everyday routine!

2) Do a 15-30 minute HIIT workout at home, the gym, or your local park.

Hard and fast HIIT (high intensity interval training) workouts are a fitness staple – especially if you have a regularly packed schedule. The beauty in HIIT workouts is that they’re so short and sweet you can do them daily!

Whether you’re new to rapid cardio circuits or are a HIIT champ, the key to these workouts is giving it your all and really taking yourself to your edge.

Dive right in with this HIIT sweat sesh made up of 3 super intense circuits of high knees, air squats, burpees, and elevated leg crunches. In each of these exercises, you’ll only have one minute so make the most of that minute.

Your heart rate will be pumping by the end so make sure to drink a bunch of water and then cool down with some restorative yoga stretches.


3) Do the Philosophie 5-day food-based cleanse.

While festivals like Outside Lands and FYF now have an array of wholesome options, it’s likely that there might be some curly fries and craft beer in your weekend as well. You can give your body an energy boost going into the festival by doing a simple food-based cleanse in the days before. This type of cleanse is unique in that it doesn’t promote deprivation, but rather focuses on giving your digestive system a well-deserved break.

Since we all get busy and don’t always have time to shop for and prepare healthy, wholesome foods, we’ll often turn to picking up fast food or ordering the deep-fried item at dinner with friends. The issue with this is that we’ll be filling ourselves with foods that are much more likely higher in trans fats and high-glycemic sugar, possibly sprayed with pesticides, and lower in nutrients.

A food-based cleanse like this 5 Day DIY Philosophie Cleanse provides just the opposite and consists of protein-rich smoothies, nutrient-dense salads, whole food snacks, superfood energy bars, fresh juices and fiber-filled soups—all of which are gluten-free, vegan, low in sugar and high in plant-based proteins. Check out a typical menu of the yummy, nourishing foods you’d be eating during the cleanse or even get a jump start:

Breakfast:

Berry Mint Bling Smoothie

Gather This:

  • 1 cup dairy-free milk
  • 1 cup organic frozen blueberries
  • 1 tablespoon Philosophie Green Dream Superfood + Protein Blend
  • ½ banana
  • 1 tablespoon goji berries
  • 7-8 fresh sprigs of mint
  • ¾ cup fresh organic baby spinach
  • ½ teaspoon cinnamon
  • ice to taste

 

Do This:

Add all ingredients to a high-speed blender and blend until smooth and creamy.

 

AM Snack:

Coconut Water


Lunch:

Mermaid Salad

Gather This:

  • quinoa
  • wakeme
  • arame
  • hijiki
  • sesame oil
  • turmeric
  • cayenne
  • salt + pepper
  • avocado, sliced
  • lemon juice
  • sesame seeds

 

Do This:

Prepare quinoa as directed and set aside. Soak wakame, arame, and hijiki in 2 cups water for 20 minutes, drain well and add to cooled quinoa along with sesame oil, turmeric, cayenne, salt, and pepper. Slice avocado and bathe in lemon juice for several minutes. Add all the avocado and lemon juice to quinoa mixture and toss. Sprinkle with sesame seeds for garnish.


PM Snack:

Snap Peas + Hummus


Dinner:

Green Power Soup


Gather This:

  • 1/2 cup tomato, chopped
  • 2 tablespoons lime or lemon juice
  • 1/2 tablespoon chili powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon jalapeno pepper
  • 2 cups kale, chopped
  • 1/2 cup celery, chopped
  • 1/2 cup red bell pepper, chopped
  • 2 cloves garlic
  • 1 zucchini, chopped
  • 1 cup cucumber, chopped
  • 2 teaspoons flaxseed or olive oil
  • ½ avocado, chopped
  • 1 teaspoon sea salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon Philosophie Green Dream Superfood + Protein Blend
  • 1/2 cup carrot juice


Do This:
Blend all ingredients in blender. Garnish with parsley leaves and avocado chunks.

Any questions about doing a pre-fest cleanse? Please ask away on Twitter with #MyPhilosophie! 

The Bee’s Knees: 5 Reasons Honey Makes the Perfect Sweetener

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1) It's bursting with vitamins + minerals. 

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2) It's full of antioxidants. 

Micronutrients called polyphenols in honey contain antioxidants, which are SO essential for radiance + wellness. Antioxidants help combat free radicals, those bad atoms that contribute to cellular damage and can lead to disease.

3) It provides an all-natural energy boost! With 17 grams of carbohydrates per tablespoon, it's a great way to support muscle recovery after you've had an intense workout. I like to add our Berry Bee Honey to this oh-so-yummy DIY Coconut Pineapple Sports Drink

4) It can enhance your shampoo + conditioner. With its humectant properties, honey makes a great addition to shampoo by helping your hair maintain moisture. The nutrients and enzymes in honey also give your hair a gorgeous shine without weighing it down. I like to mix a small spoonful of raw honey into my shampoo or conditioner! 

5) It makes a lovely face mask, especially after a day out in the sun. The healing benefits of raw honey have been recognized for centuries. Ancient Egyptians and Ayurvedic traditions used honey to treat skin infections, burns, and wounds since this sweet gift from nature possesses antibiotic properties. I love mixing it into this hydrating DIY mask with aloe and cucumber (video below) since it reduces both redness and swelling!  

What are your favorite ways to use our supercharged honeys? Tell us on Facebook with #PhilosophieSuperfoods on Facebook! 

Horned Melon Toast Recipe

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Horned melon, the star ingredient behind the recipe, is a fruit that's in the midst of a bit of an identity crisis. It is actually a member of both the melon family AND the cucumber family. If you splice it open, you'll see why–the insides look like cucumber with edible seeds surrounded by a green jelly, while the outside definitely looks like a melon.

As it's not too sharp or too sweet, it tastes super yummy when drizzled with superfood-infused honey and layered on top of cream cheese-covered toast! 

Gather This:

  • 1 slice of toast
  • 2 tablespoons vegan cream cheese
  • 1 horned melon, sliced
  • 1 teaspoon Berry Bee Honey

Do This:

Once your toast is toasted, spread on the cream cheese, top with sliced melon, and add a drizzle of honey! 

Have you tried horned melon before? Do you love cooking with it? Tell me how you like to integrate this super fruit into meals or treats on Facebook with #MyPhilosophie!

Heart of the Week: Goddess Cards


As I'm finishing up my Moon Facilitator training course, I wanted to check in with all of you and share my heart + intentions with my community. 
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Recently, I shared this video on our Philosophie Facebook Page for the New Moon, inviting all of you into my realm for a special moment. The video is a sharing of our hearts to yours – an invitation to step into the magic of the moon. After you watch the video, please comment on the Facebook Page with what you enjoyed most about it. I'll pick one person at random to win a free gift from Philosophie! 
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I get so many questions about what I'm doing in my Moon Facilitator course, what's so special about the moon, and what tools can help people connect to its magic. To start, here are my favorite Moon + Goddess cards that allow me to drop into that goddess energy, that shakti, that beautiful truth that is in all of us as women. The Moon Deck was created by our sister Aarona, and it is one of THE most beautiful decks I've ever held! Use promo code "PhilosophieMoon" to get 10% off! 

I hope that by investing in a few of these gorgeous decks, you can connect to them when you're feeling lost or confused, seeking direction, or just curious about what may unfold for you today. 
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I like picking a card when I wake up to set the tone for the day or even ask it a question if something has been on my mind. There are many ways to use your decks, and I welcome you to play and be curious about them and let go of rules. Step into the goddess wisdom + connect to your heart. 
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What are your favorite Goddess Cards or ways to connect to the moon? Share them with me on Facebook with #MyPhilosophie!